fear is in the eye of the beholder

Driving through my neighborhood, there's a house that put some CRAZY things in their front yard. There are men dragging women by their hair, someone stabbing someone in the back... and when I heard about it, I was like who'd do that? When I saw it, I could tell it was teenagers...didn't look like a big deal, but then I started hearing stories of kids having nightmares looking at it.
I remember watching poltergeist when I was YOUNG... for years I struggled with whether to open or shut the closet door because I didn't know whether I wanted to see it coming, or try to shut it out for as long as possible.
I still find myself jumping into bed when it's dark in the room so that stupid clown doesn't try to drag me under.
I'm 30 years old and I am still somewhat afraid of the dark. wow!
Did you know there is a flashlight, but no such thing as a flashdark?
I think just about ANYONE who goes into true and utter darkness (like those caves) has an instant fear when the lights go out. I'm pretty sure Gollum was so jumpy in the Lord of the Rings because of the darkness that was surrounding him for so many years.
The funny thing: people get used to the dark...
I may hate the dark, but after years of being married, I can now admit that I can go to the bathroom without turning on a light... not comfortably, but done.
How sad that my children still scream when I enter the party store, but I didn't even notice the gruesome scene at the door. How sad that I couldn't see the harm in the dumb things teens put up in their yard, but a lot of kids were having nightmares... I've gotten used to it.
How many other things am I used to?
How many years ago was it taboo to get pregnant in school, but now we just kinda shrug when the teens let us know they can't remember who knocked them up.
And something that makes me cringe, may make you kinda giggle. Fear is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
things that I am terrified of: divorce, abuse, abortion, and denial... that last one sounds silly. but what if you knew the truth, and someone could repeat it back to you, but then deny it... what if I said, "man I hate it when someone _____________," and you're like , "oh yah me too!" but then when I pointed out, "uh that's what you're doing" you give an excuse why it's ok for you... i had a friend who once said, " Iwould never be friends with someone who loved Jesus", and I was like, "oh, you mean me" and they said, "well, you're the exception." I'm kinda afraid of that... what does that say about me... is that good or bad for Jesus? Does that mean you think I 'm a poser... or what?
So what are you afraid of that's silly? what are you not afraid of that maybe you should be? Do you still hop 4 feet into your bed.... are you allowing your children to watch inappropriate tv because it doesn't scare you anymore? Time to reevaluate our fears... just in light of halloween :)

a scene from the Ali Mixer Campbell movie

I went to okeefenokee swamp last week. It was just me and zoe and ada in the car. Imagine if you will, driving down one of those highways that make you wonder every 5 minutes if you should turn around because maybe you took the wrong road and there are NO cars out there. I felt like I was in a place that either was from what's eating gilbert grape, or part twilight, and part french kiss (yes, but you'd understand if you were there).
I looked out my window and saw many abandoned farms. they had rows dug out, but over time weeds had taken over. It reminded me of Isaiah that I was studying. In chapter 5 there was a story of a vineyard, where the gardener chose the most fertile land, choicest vines, best materials and worked that vineyard, setting up permanent protection and great care. But after he planted his vines, they still made bad grapes. He had expected so much fruit that he made a winepress, but ended up with nothing, so he allowed thistles to take over and refused water on he land... all to represent God's work with the israelites and his disappointment in their lack of faith.
Why do I mention this? Doesn't happen very often that I notice and have those kind of reminders.
so I keep driving as I hear my girls wonder if we're there OVER AND OVER. I bribed, plead, I even dared zoe to close her eyes for 30 seconds because I KNEW that she would fall asleep, none to my avail. Eventually as I ignored them, I finally heard silence. I look in the rearview mirror and see both girls asleep. I turn up my 80's music and have that time... you know it; it's that time where you break out into the loudest silent dance party you can think of because you can drive in silence.
now keep in mind that it only lasted for 30 minutes... it ended with Zoe screaming because her booty hurt and she couldn't get comfy and she was tired and , and, and...
I can't take it anymore: get out! I pull over on the empty road and force my children to get out of the car and have a dance party in the middle of the road till they were too tired to stand. "No more complaining anymore, or you'll be forced to walk down the road while I drive behind you!" about 20 minutes later, I pull over to take a picture, when I notice that the cars stopping next to me are my family coming from florida... for the rest of the ride, I get to drive along with my sister, brother, the cousins and my mom... what a great ending to an ... um... interesting drive. I guess this is what happens when you're 30.

socially UN-networked

Last weekend I watched the social network (which is the story of how facebook was made). It was a very interesting movie FULL of smart alleks and I felt right at home, but one thing caught my attention. One of the first things they used to defame the maker was the relive the breakup with his girlfriend. They talked about how he was drunk and blogging and said *ahem* unflattering things about his girlfriend who broke up with him.
It made me remember one of the reasons that I didn't want to do a blog. I will UNDOUBTEDLY say something REALLY offensive to someone and regret it for the rest of my life... I mean heck, just opening my mouth, I did it today!
My only consolation is that I mud up my reputation (what reputation?) for a good reason. For instance, have you seen the billboard that has sad-faced puppies and kittens and the caption is, "they're dying for you to be responsible". I mean, COME ON, what kind of person does that to you: Side story: I actually tried to adopt a kitty from a place that will remain nameless and they actually turned me down because I wanted to take the kitty home that day!!!! So if I adopt a kitty and then I read that billboard, am I still irresponsible for not saving all of them.. there's just something wrong there, and they've lost points with me. BUT , saving puppies and kittens is a good cause... they did it in the name of saving animals.
If I offend you because I'm pro-life, or because I don't believe a person should have sex before marriage, or I'm a Christian, I'm actually not too sorry for it because it's for a good cause... I want to value ALL life, not just whales. I want my child to learn respect for themselves and the opposite sex, protect them from STD's and children when they shouldn't have to deal with that kind of responsibility. And I would definitely want all people , no matter how flawed or how people have condemned them in the past to know that God is not man, and wants to free them from the condemnation and guilt from anything they've done or thought. I want them to not die in eternal separation from the God that I love so much.
I don't want give you the impression that I don't live what I say and say what I mean... I actually would have less respect for a person who couldn't stick to what they know to be true and seek out the truth, then to agree with everyone's thoughts.
I'll end with the social network. The only thing I appreciate about the movie (well, one of them) is that his personality was consistent with the flashbacks, even those who were suing him portrayed him correctly... gives a little credibility.