The School of Hard Knocks .... Part II

You know they say the sequel is never better than the origional... I'll see about that.
we have had a lot of ups and downs  and round and rounds this year...
After france we moved to N. Africa. Once we moved here, we decided that it was too late to get our kids into the school year so we finished the year in homeschool, but it was light.
We decided on national school for the girls. I mean, it was supposed to be half french and half arabic and they had already learned french so this should be easier than when we moved to France right?
We found out it was only 1 hr a day of french... 90% arabic. and the arabic they would be learning would be one type, but the teachers don't speak that, they speak an all together different type of arabic... and none of those are the language of the people who live there. Confused yet? me too.

we started asking questions about what the girls would do during the day and what alternative do they have to islamic studies... nothing... well not nothing. they would throw all 3 of them into the library during that time... with no supervision. ok...

Then we asked what kind of tutoring they could get. None. oh and the school gets its funding from the government, we don't want you messing up our arabic test scores with your kids who know no arabic... so your 7/8th grader... she'll be starting in 3rd. Your 3 and 4th grader: Kindergarten. But Nyla... she's good to go at 4 years old.

Then we got the girls tested to find out how they were doing academically... just to find out that Ada most likely has a learning disorder that we haven't diagnosed yet.

So, here we are again. Just like old times... but different. not a 4th and kindergartener, but an 8th, 4th and 2nd grader... yes we had to change grade levels around.. but C'est la vie (nope didn't lose my french in the process).

So here's Ella:She enjoys language , but not listening to her mom. She IS a tween. She'll be starting out in 8th grade (skipping a grade) to see if she can handle it. On the side she'll be working with her mother at the english school and taking the tribal language of the region. one cool kid.

This is Zoe: sporty, spicy , fun. She is preparing herself for 4th grade. Don't let her fool you, she is a hard worker and can't wait to be the top of her class (although, she's the only one IN her class).

 Then there's Ada. What a looker. When she's not rolling around in the sand with the locals, she's getting ready for 2nd grade. Mostly to catch up in subjects she struggled in. She wants to be a "cooker" when she gets older and can't wait to perform for anyone who wants to enjoy.Go Ada.

Then there's Nyla. What a firecracker. She may be 4 but she's got 3 sisters worth of spunk. She'll be starting at the local National school. She'll learn how to spell, read and write this year. they start em earlier and earlier. Love that kid.

And let's not forget mom and dad. We are both starting language school #2 this week. Thankfully they are not in the same class so that they feel the overwhelming urge to compete with each other. School for ALL!!!!

Well, that's us. Can't wait for this year to begin... tomorrow.

Evolution of (womanly) torture

I’m not one to tell others what to do, but if anyone is planning to torture someone, I have a perfect product to get the job done. The Me Tenda… makes your victim tenda’

So at some point in history, the powers that be said that a woman should be hairless. I’m sure there was a good reason (sorry girl, I can’t tell if you’re fat or your hair is just fluffy). I’m sure women were brilliant, but some man said, cut it off… so we began to shave. But shaving must be done every week if not every day. It’s a pain in all women’s side. And leg. And lip, and armpit.

And women don’t just deal with the man remarks, we now deal with other women. You know, the women who only have to shave once a week and it comes in fine and blond, they suddenly notice if you miss a patch (come on you miss that patch on the back of the ankle, or behind the knee .. or or or, on top of the knee where you can look like you blindfolded yourself, took a butcher knife, played piniata on your knee and that’s when you’re taking your sweet time and paying attention to “detail”). Those women will point out  in public, no doubt, because they must be “encouraging “ you to work harder, daily, instead of say, having a life.

*sigh* I might have a little hair on my legs. I have been known to be called a wooly mammoth by those sweet girls who have perfectly shaped eyebrows, oodles of money for a personal assistant, and a manicure that never seems to be chipped. I’m sure they were loving me into humiliation for the sake of my health and safety… oh what? Hairlessness isn’t for my health.. oh…

Ok so, one day some woman said, “this shaving thing must stop!!” She was smart enough to know that daily sacrifice to the leg gods needed to end, but in a fit of pms , I’m guessing, she decided to use tweezers to rip out each individual hair because it keeps you from having to do the job as often. Yes. Yes, that’s true, but are you kidding. So a man stepped in when she wouldn’t stop nagging about the pain of plucking her hair.. he invented… the epilator. A device consisting of dozens of tweezers stuck on a rotator that plucks multiple hairs out of your leg at the same time in a “fast” fashion… I don’t care how fast it is, you might as well tell me that you’re gonna waterboard me because I’m holding my breath and gasping every 3 seconds as I contain the pain because my kids are in the next room and they are all girls. One day they too will have to choose what type of torture they prefer because they too have my genes of black lion mane hair on their legs.

I’ve tried other types of pain.

I waxed… I actually like it. 1 hour, rip it all off and the dead skin to boot. It stays off… well for like 3 weeks, then you go back… but man 100 dollars later, I’m hairless and broke and red-skinned and walking funny. And if you live in florida, you can then go to the beach and cry for a while when you forget and saltwater hits it. Periodically I’ll just rub lemon juice in the wound (sarcasm noted)… but when you account for longest –lasting, price comparable ways to remove the monkey growing on your leg, you might choose this. I WILL say it’s also a conversational piece. I have been known repeatedly to share my faith with the waxer right when she gets to my bikini line because maybe she’ll do it faster or atleast we will all be distracted.

Another lovely way I learned my lesson was by fire. I have done the laser hair removal… imagine someone calmly loving on you, placing a cool compact on sensitive areas like lip or bikini, and then ZAP!!! You’ve been blinded by lightning which struck on your private area with a fire that sinks in all the way to your uterus , all while they soothe you with the sounds of waterfalls and Kenny G coming from the sound system. And as soon as you reach out to scream that God came back for you piece by piece, the light is gone and you’re left with the smell of burning hair and another cold compress. And if you’re really lucky like me, you’ll have a laser-er that probably isn’t certified (wondered why it was so cheap) and you get burned a couple times right in the V-jay jay. Come back every 3 weeks for 6 months willingly and you’ll get the picture.. and this only guarantees your hair to be gone for 10 years max… or for me… 1 year.

Threading: some lady in Asia said, “tweezers! Ha, I can do the same thing with dental floss for cheap”. Somehow they can hurt you good, make you look great, and degrade you by telling you how ugly you are all at the same time… enough.

Laser epilation: the worst thing I ever experienced. They stick a wire, into each pore where hair comes out, one by one, and light it on fire once it’s in there…

Sorry, I blacked out for a minute… but they claim that this form of treatment, once every hair has been gotten… obviously takes some time, will last a lifetime.. I don’t know. After 3 hairs, I slapped the lady and she said, maybe it wasn’t for me.

So now back to the beauty I bought. I lived in Paris for a year and a half and didn’t know the word for wax, and when I did learn it, I couldn’t afford it. I kept seeing adds for the epilator everywhere and it seemed like everyone I asked said, “yah… I do /did that.” I should have taken note of their pause. I researched good ones and bad ones since you can get them for 20Euros or 500… I found one called the ME… it was highly rated and was an epilator and a home-laser-hair removal system in one. It was on super sale at the “best buy” in town. So I went for it, shelling out a 100 euros, thinking of all the money I’d be saving in the long run as after 10 uses, my hair wouldn’t come back for years!!!

Well, you gotta get past the first time. I mean, wow, I refused for anyone in my family to be home because the crying, and stopping, and wiping of my brow took hours to finally get just half a leg done. My husband came home and said, “only up to your knees? You doing the laser?” Seriously, one thing at a time. Took me a month to get up the nerve to laser that half a leg… Every time, I get the look from him, “ you gonna try your upper leg soon? Your bikini… “ I’m gonna duct tape him down soon and just do his chest… it doesn’t have much hair… then we’ll talk about new forms of torture for next time he makes a comment.

So, I hope this was helpful as you choose what would be a good form of leg hair removal…

And yes, I’ve tried Nad’s sugaring, nair (found out I was allergic the hard way)… but never tried the pinterest coffee grounds suggestion… maybe when I’m feeling masochistic …

My mom and French

About a month ago I was asked to write an essay for french class . Some of you asked me to translate it into English. Keep in mind I'm not sure on ANY of the dates, I had one night to write it and I... took liberties. Also, I'm at like a 3rd grade level at french... be kind.

" Recount in the past tense the biography of someone who you feel is important (and then there are some criteria)

My mother was very important to me. She shared the good news with 100s of women. She made 1000s of gifts with her two hands. She had changed my life with her example of how to be a real woman.
Jane Logan was born the 21st of February 1945. While studying geology, she learned how to sew. She practiced this art for many years. In June of 1980, Jane opened a store where she taught sewing and sold sewing products. That year, she learned "smocking" (sewing between the pleats of a piece of clothing) and she also gave birth to me.After many years, she passed the store to another person and began a biblical study called BSF. She was taking these courses when a friend asked if my mother would like to teach the class. She was a techer for the next 7 years. In 1990 she became the distributer for BSF until her death.
I also took classes with BSF when I was younger. I told my mother that I had liked the study, but it was no longer possible to continue. I had wanted the papers for children that BSF had but they had told me it was not allowed. After the death of my mother, I was helping my sister arrange her affairs when I found 3 notebooks. My mother had made 1 notebook for each of her children containing all the biblical studies for children.... my children. She had done things like this for everyone. She loved to put forth the love of Jesus to anyone who needed it.
At her funeral, Most of BSF had come. Some did not know her. Others had known her her entire life, but each person there knew that she loved Jesus and them. We sang her favorite songs and laughed because she died in bed, sick, but NOW she ran in heaven. It was marvelous. Jane Logan Mixer was indeed unforgettable.