I've been avoiding writing this, but one day after part 35, you'll understand my anxiety over this subject and how weird I really am.
No I'm not Paris. I'm not going to belittle or humiliate anyone to be my best friend. I actually have a few friends that I find very open with and would be happy to call a best friend, but I kinda fear that word. I feel like I'm a little left out or I missed a memo or something so I'm trying to catch up.
Now, I kind of feel like a scientist at this point... learning human behavior.
I'll admit, age 30 is not the age to find said friend. I think most people find that connection by college age. I didn't live w/ many kids growing up. Actually, if I knew your name, I would have called you my best friend. As I grew up, I became a little more picky. But due to events outside of my control, I started life over in my teens. And for some reason when I went to college, those who I thought I was super close with came and went in my life...
People got it in their heads that popularity = lots of close friends. i felt like I started over again when I came to Charleston.
So, now the question is what does a close/best friend do? Obviously, as life goes on, people move away, so proximity is not a factor.
I'm going to keep learning and making observations, and pass those observations on to you.
so here's observation #1
I have always had an expectation that when I make a plan with someone, it will be followed through. If I say I'll be somewhere, you can expect I'll be there, and vice versa. Now, I'm not saying we don't forget sometimes, or things don't come up. I have come to the conclusion, a close friend will always check and recheck to make sure the plans are on. I hate doing that, I feel like I'm second guessing you. And moreover, when I do actually do it , and people say, "oh yah, I know we were getting together in an hour, but I made other plans", my heart breaks a little, no matter how much you apologize or plan again. I question how close of a friend I am to you, which I'm assuming is wrong (oh and superhard when I know you're keeping plans with other people I know).
So i'm starting over to be a better friend. I will call and check and recheck, however uncomfortable it makes me. I'll accept when things "come up" that don't seem important to me (I'm not including sickness or things like that: those things are unavoidable, I'm case in point). And try not to read in when you check me 10 times a day or ask me what's wrong because of it. Isn't it sad that I'm 30 and i'm only now figuring this stuff out?
So, are we still getting together anytime soon?