stop touching my rear end

I was laughing last week because when I had Ella, Murphy's law was a must. I got kidney stones 3 weeks before I had her, then when they sent me home, I fell down the stairs. I got all the little sicknesses I had never had before and more.
So I was talking with my mom and pointed out that after 2 false alarms with Nyla (1. she stopped moving and 2. 6 hrs of contractions every 5 minutes that went NOwhere) that I'll just wait to get hit by a car...
See when I got pregnant with Ella, I was concerned about everything (of course, I was a first time mom)... I wasn't overly emotional with her, but there was this one time... see, I was probably almost 3 months along and just had a bad feeling that something was going to go wrong (always does) when I was driving on the highway. All of the sudden, I was boxed in by two 18 wheelers and eventually, I was forced off the road by one. I went crazy. I called my mom in hysterics and couldn't drive home for about an hour of crazy crying.
This time around I expected something like that happening again because this is another one of those pregnancies. I saw some great friends and headed off for ballet. On the way, ella asked if she could take off her seatbelt so she could put on her leotard. I told her no because it had rained earlier, and there is a lot of traffic on 17S near park west. well about 2 minutes later it happened.
My brakes locked up stopping at a light... I literally looked at the car in front of me cringing and stopped about 6 inches short. I sighed and he moved forward just a little to widen the gap and I sat sighing, not paying attention to my backside. All of the sudden, we're bumped. Not hard, but harder than a tap. As my kids panic, I just sat there in shock kinda in disbelief to the fact this was my worst fear. But I found it wasn't MY worst fear.
I stepped out of the car and the woman behind me who I think was confident that it wasn't bad, dropped to the ground. She was so afraid that I just went into labor, she was willing to do ANYTHING. I calmed her down and asked if her daughter was ok, as she then noticed I had 3 in my car and fell back into craziness. Then her friend pulled over.
I really thought I was going to be calming 2 down ... for about 3 seconds. He didn't give a rip if I was ok, he thought I was badgering his friend. He just kept asking her if she was ok. She tried to answer him, but was searching for insurance info, so finally I answered for her. He replied that he didn't care what I said, he had asked her. so my sarcasm came out.
"It's ok. she just hit ME. I'm gonna have a baby in a week, but no big deal right?"
"right"
ok. well, that didnt work. So, I left them to calm each other down while I wrote down my insurance info and checked on my girls hanging out in the trunk trying to see the damage.
then the po po pulled over. He was real calm til i turned around. "oh Lord, let me call the ambulance." After I reassured him that we were all ok and it was just a bump, we finally got on our way... leaving the man friend to pour over the poor lady who hit me.
Meanwhile, no it didn't put me into labor, no we weren't late for ballet, and yes, I'm tired.
But I conquered my fear :)

I'm not sophisticated enough to call it pedi

So Hold your hand up in the peace sign. This is the # of times I've ever had a pedicure. Not that I don't like them or don't want them... I'm somewhat protective of my feet. I let Johnny touch them, but that's about it. I'm even more protective of a manicure. I bite my nails (finger that is) and would never want to expose that to a salon or waste money on something I'd eat anyway.
But my feet are my nervous habit. I like them clean, I play with my toes when I'm alone and nervous (or any time), and I scrape at the nails.. yah, some of you don't want to shake my hand again, but they seriously are clean.
And all spa treatments are hard for me. I like to spend money, I just don't like to spend it on me. I can't rationalize it. And seems like every time I go to get my hair cut or waxing (yes, I'd shell out for that if we could all rationalize it) or even the few and far between massage, it never goes well.
they want to talk to me... stop. I want to close my eyes, lay there, not feel like the entertainer, but not a jerk either. Or you get the super knowledgeable person who feels the need to tell you what you did wrong. your skin sucks, your old, your pores, you took too long etc etc... I dread the salon.
but today was bliss.
I went in knowing my toe nails were in nubs. knowing that now that I'm 31 I'm slowly becoming my mom with rough feet no matter what I do. knowing I had chipped nail polish and waddling ... But they were my heroes. the guy (Chris I think) just sat me down and did everything, never mentioning once my nails, skin, feet, or even my pregnancy. He never said a word and just loved me. I know that's bad. I should have talked or apologized or SOMETHING. and he probably did an ok job at best on my toes, but I didn't care.
It was the best day of my life and I'd tip him again.
So thanks to Tanner Nails for not making me feel old or ugly or sloppy or even tired... thank you for my clean feet and painted nails, even if I can't see them.

my girls

I have no idea what to write about.
I would love to say something witty, or insightful, but I have nothing.
Frankly, I'm just proud of my girls today. I get SO sleepy; and my girls have totally been entertaining themselves. I wake up from passing out (since I don't sleep at night) and the house hasn't fallen apart.
Today i had to take Zoe to the Dr. to get her kidneys checked... she has pee problems. She held like a gallon of water for 2 hours and laid on the table forever while they "took a picture of her insides", and where I thought it was normal, the tech went on and on that no kid sits there that well.
Tomorrow the girls don't have school and I fear entertaining them without passing out.

Then I need to talk about their questions.
Ella asks questions like, why is judas a disciple when he went away from Jesus?
Zoe asks questions like, How can I be a better friend?
Ada asks questions like, blah blah blah moooo? (whaa?)

and their insightfulness.
Ella: Marco is the smartest kid in class (that seriously is a huge thing for her to admit)
Zoe: God made eyes. they do so much, I want to pray and thank God for making eyes.
Ada: I love hugging you. you have the baby inside your tummy and I get to hug both of you, but when she comes out, i can't wait to hug her too.

My girls are amazing and I'm about to have another one.
I don't know how people can say, look what I made. I could never "make" a child. or how can people talk about creating or look what I did in the delivery room... I don't DO anything, she'll come out! And so, Nyla is on her way! Soon!
I can't wait to hear the dynamic of them interacting. i can't wait to watch Zoe hold her, Ada lull her, and Ella teach her things that she probably shouldn't learn (actually, I already know what she'll do- sing the song we made up when she was born to keep her from crying. you'd like the song; it's simple. it goes: i got 2 feet, I got 10 toes. so easy, you can even mix it up with fingers, facial features etc. I find that if ANYONE hears the song, they will use it from then on)
So prepare yourself for cuteness and hopefully soon I'll have witty or special things or funny things to write about soon. and maybe I'll get the pics too.

Security blanket

If you have been at our house for any length of time, you've seen the security blanket. Every child of mine gets 2-3 blankets that I make (I make more than one for washing purposes), and although I origionally make them for swaddling, they become SUPER attached to them. Ella used to suck hers : we cut it up til there was nothing left. Zoe can tell which blanket is hers by smell (yah, that's right). Ada has a mini one that she has to keep in her purse and I've been known to find her head inside her purse.
This got me thinking of my security blankets. I thought of this before the tsunami, but how much more relevant it is now. I watched a video of the tsunami and it was so interesting. these people were standing on land about 15 feet above a dock. solid ground. they saw a wave coming. granted the wave was normal height (about 3/4 feet), but as it went past them, it wiped out EVERY single boat in the harbor, big and small. They had such security where they were standing that they were even getting closer, knowing that if they got caught, they'd be gone. It even reminded me of the tsunami last year in indonesia where people were so excited to see the tide go out 200 feet , rather than freaked out, that they followed it...
Now these people had warning (most of them), but every day without warning we have little security for tomorrow. This week my friend Christian died, tragic accident that left his spine and brain irreparable. Who would guess that it would happen? I was so secure in thinking I would see him at Easter.
What do you put your security in... youth, goodness (I'm a good person; I deserve to be well for a long life, or I'm young; I got forever to do that)... It scares me because like Christian, you don't. Like Tsunami's the warning can be too late. Find your security in Christ.
I heard a quote the other day (now I'm paraphrasing) that sounded something like.

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid." - Marcus Aurelius

I was trying to figure what about this upset me and I kept commenting and then deleting it because it wasn't really what I was thinking. But I think it's the fact that being Just gives me a sense of fighting for what's right, which then implies that the gods have a standard of what is right and wrong and will actually care about devotion and not on good intentions... I can have all the virtuous intentions but i even fail my own standards and I'm not give an honorable interpretation of that god. All in all to say, there has to be a balance of Just and Love, which of all the gods I've ever studied that show a future... is the God of the Christian bible. Now, remember, God is not people and I can't base any burn I've ever had on God... I must take him at his Word!
In only that have I found true security, not just for now, but forever!
and cut scene.

A year later

So i'm now 31... who knew I'd make it here. I've been thinking of Everything that has happened this year.
well, first I survived my birthday
and then for johnny's we went and saw his dad (and all the other relatives)
Johnny's dad passed away
Beach trips with my family
PREGNANCY
a new church
interim youth leader
new bible study
zoe's birthday (alligator party)
okeefenokee (and no boating)
The WHOLE family for christmas (and first time hanging out w/ friends from highschool)
Ada's birthday
Ella's birthday (Great Wolf Lodge)
and now...
I got so many sweet greetings for my birthday that I can't help but think that this year is going to be SUPER exciting... as much as I dreaded 30, I have high hopes for 31. Maybe i'm not as old as I thought.

Text language

I wish I could be kind on this subject but I... I... well, we'll see.
Did you know that some (REALLY DUMB) university is voting on whether to allow students to write papers in text language? They think that it'll help kids use their creativity or something like that w/o having to worry about little things , oh, like grammer.
Now, I'm not someone who has ANYTHING to say on grammer. I'm sure every sentence I write has grammatical errors, yet even I know this is the worst idea EVER. If that EVER got passed, I would grade that paper THAT much harsher because they should be focused even more on the wonderfully creative topic that will rock the world more than actually making sense.
But this post isn't actually on the stupidity of America, but more on my personal thoughts of text language. Keep in mind, I'm old. I didn't have a phone until college and I was using my dad's service, so I could only use the phone night and weekends. I didn't start texting until, I think, last 2 years. We have limited texts and I have the philosophy of getting my money's worth and have to fill up my max text space if I can or not in a hurry.
I have lately found more joy in texting. Sometimes I just don't have the time to talk to people and it gets my point across, but on the most part, I'd rather talk to people. I feel like I'm teaching my children to avoid social contact if you can. I can see people ignoring their children, not being able to hold a conversation, yet still not able to type on a computer, or look people in the eye. It disturbs me.
I heard of a friend the other day who called out a woman in a grocery store because her son was begging her to hug him and she just kept saying, "after I finish THIS text". My friend came over and told the lady to put down her cell and give her son a hug. One day he's not going to want to be hugged anymore and you'll have missed his entire childhood. How important was that text?
I think I might be guilty of that. I make a conscious effort not to do those things, but we all get wrapped up in what we do.
I will say something else though. I hate the letter K.
because i have limited texts, I can't handle wasting an entire text on the letter K. Some people think it's hilarious to keep sending them to me... soon I won't be opening your texts anymore. i have a hard enough time with LOL, but I like it better than K. And THX. If i'm really thankful, can't I take the time to write out thank you, or atleast thank u. something. I feel blown off.
I know that with this post, I have either doubled my texts or severely cut them. Just know, I love you, and I do this because I WANT to hear from you.
Just don't send me a K... give me the O.

Quest for a BFF (part 1)

I've been avoiding writing this, but one day after part 35, you'll understand my anxiety over this subject and how weird I really am.
No I'm not Paris. I'm not going to belittle or humiliate anyone to be my best friend. I actually have a few friends that I find very open with and would be happy to call a best friend, but I kinda fear that word. I feel like I'm a little left out or I missed a memo or something so I'm trying to catch up.
Now, I kind of feel like a scientist at this point... learning human behavior.
I'll admit, age 30 is not the age to find said friend. I think most people find that connection by college age. I didn't live w/ many kids growing up. Actually, if I knew your name, I would have called you my best friend. As I grew up, I became a little more picky. But due to events outside of my control, I started life over in my teens. And for some reason when I went to college, those who I thought I was super close with came and went in my life...
People got it in their heads that popularity = lots of close friends. i felt like I started over again when I came to Charleston.
So, now the question is what does a close/best friend do? Obviously, as life goes on, people move away, so proximity is not a factor.
I'm going to keep learning and making observations, and pass those observations on to you.

so here's observation #1
I have always had an expectation that when I make a plan with someone, it will be followed through. If I say I'll be somewhere, you can expect I'll be there, and vice versa. Now, I'm not saying we don't forget sometimes, or things don't come up. I have come to the conclusion, a close friend will always check and recheck to make sure the plans are on. I hate doing that, I feel like I'm second guessing you. And moreover, when I do actually do it , and people say, "oh yah, I know we were getting together in an hour, but I made other plans", my heart breaks a little, no matter how much you apologize or plan again. I question how close of a friend I am to you, which I'm assuming is wrong (oh and superhard when I know you're keeping plans with other people I know).
So i'm starting over to be a better friend. I will call and check and recheck, however uncomfortable it makes me. I'll accept when things "come up" that don't seem important to me (I'm not including sickness or things like that: those things are unavoidable, I'm case in point). And try not to read in when you check me 10 times a day or ask me what's wrong because of it. Isn't it sad that I'm 30 and i'm only now figuring this stuff out?
So, are we still getting together anytime soon?