Just when you thought I was capable

So, long story short, my mom has cancer. She's been doing good with everything til about 3 weeks ago. The thing about chemo is that it kills you to save you. Meanwhile, it's still killing you.
 So about three weeks ago, we were preparing to homeschool again, put the girls into sports and start our fall because Nyla's evaluation showed we will be staying in America for another 5 mo (which is fine). Ella's doing swim team and Zoe and Ada are doing ballet.
 I went shopping for school supplies, I was offered curriculum, I planned, and was feeling pretty good about everything. But then my mom got sick. Not her fault. She went into the hospital for a week and then back in again this week.
after praying and talking w my husband, we decided we needed a little less stress from teaching school, therapy and mom, soooooooo
 The girls got registered for school today. This is a humbling experience. We had to go in and explain that we couldn't prove where we live, drivers liscence doesn't work, we can't afford much... Pretty much were homeless according to the system.
School starts in one week. It's gonna be crazy! Ada has 22 in her class, Zoe: 34 and Ella :38. This will surely prepare us for something, but I can say that I'm thankful that I live in a country that my kids can go to school for free, last minute... And get a good education!
Just one more day in my crazy life!

please sir, can I have another (year)

So, I'm not so sure about this whole homeschooling thing.
Here's the latest.
Last year I homeschooled Zoe and Ella. It took a couple months, but I was right as rain with my 2 cirriculums (my fathers world, sonlight). come December , we thought we were done with schooling at home, so we had to sell the cirr. ASAP. I kinda didn't get the money I was hoping, but then again, a good family got them and i knew they would use it.
The girls went to a special school to get ready to go overseas, but when we didn't go overseas in March, I just finished up the year at home. "I mean, come on. You know we'll be in France by september".
Long story short and I'm sure to post all that on a different blog and news letter, we are still in Jacksonville. This does not upset me: I love my family and a little breather.
Our organization will not pay for homeschooling cirriculum this fall though. We will be in public school in france, so they don't see a point in paying for it in america when there's a free public alternative. I totally get that.
But in order to register for school here, we have to prove 2times that we live in our residence. We don't actually pay any bills here, dont have a florida drivers liscence etc... We can't change our residence because of our visa situation, so i have a dilimma.
Seems homeschool is a simpler viable alternative..
School Of Hard Knocks pt.2 is born again!!!
But this time we have new challenges.
*I'll be writing my own cirriculum . I do have money allotted for an online school (time4learning.com) but there needs to be a more personal interaction so  time to put my good skills to work!
*Ella told me that I'm not a real teacher because we take field trips and have real life learning and I don't make her do the same amount of worksheets that she used to do (even though she cries and screams every time I DO make her do those).... "a real teacher has a plan and schedule and something for me to do during down times".... hmmm challenge accepted. I have now not only a notebook plan but I have a board to post said schedule so the kids are NOT ALLOWED to deviate (but i am)
*I am now teaching Ella, Zoe, and Ada.... not nearly as easy
*I have to do a type of speech therapy homework with Nyla.... one more thing!
*I am teaching french to the girls (Which I 'm sure will seem like a joke once they get to france)
*I still have to have a life.
What's wierd is that I look at homeschool kids. of course there are good and bad with them... but although sometimes they seem socially inept (not all schoolers), they do have a great confidence that i want in my kids, that after a year, they still dont have.
so if I look like my hair is disheveled and I'm still wearing my jammies , it's a new fashion.
If my kids look like they've sewn their own clothes and kinda frumpy... they were the ones who wantedto learn how to sew this year at school
YAY SOHK

a chorus of tonedeaf little birdies

I am not an overly emotional person. Now that might humor my mother because I spent most of my childhood crying over every little thing, but through much mocking and shooshing I don't cry unless I'm by my lonesome.
And I hear about how people cry at commercials or cry because their kids are so cute when they sleep, but that's just not me... I cry cause I laugh so hard or I relive vicariously my painful memories of childhood bullies.
Then last week I went to a Ch*istian  arts camp. My kids did pottery, drama, blacklight, quilting, guitar, dance and much much more.... and then they learn some singing.
I sat in on practice on last friday for the production of what they learned.
These kids made me BAWL over and over again.
The sweetness of hearing children sing praises and the magnificence of thier G*d and not just sing because they had to, but mean EVERY word they sang, blew me away!
Then they recited scrip*ture. wow! They love Him and I remembered why I loved them so much...
then when all these kids saw me crying, they just kept touching me (stop crying miss ali) ... well, you know what happens when you touch a crying woman... they just KEEP crying harder... I looked like a crazy...
well if crazy is crying out of joy for the L*rd, then call me Miles Davis.
Thank you to all the amazing teachers who loved my girls and gave them interest in art of all shapes and sizes.... but most of all to DC and Kim for giving my girls a joy that I want.

unikinis and cheeseburgers

A while ago I was on a plane with Johnny and we got separated in our seats, which was fine because I planned to read all the way home anyway, until the lady who sat next to me got in the plane. I felt like I had to talk to her. then I got to the point in our conversation that I now need to make a confession.
She asked me when I was due.
Yah, say what you want, but she was so confident in her question I really didn't want to sit for however long on the plane while she apologized and got awkward, that I told her.
Not that far.
We had a 30 minute conversation about said baby that I didn't know about.
Fast forward...
I took a medicine for about a year that had the side effect of making you gain weight. So i gained over 60 lbs (I hide it relatively well). Last week I bought new shorts for fourth of July. I had not one, not two, but 3 people tell me separately that the shorts that SHOULD have fit me were ... clearing throat... quite snug. not to mention the equally tight shirt that was "my size".
I about died... see I have lost some weight since changing meds a week ago, but just takes time... time sux.
On top of that there's the lack of motivation... cause really, why should i lose weight when J*sus is just coming back soon anyway...
so tonight in my depression I went and bought a new outfit... one that fit...
I can't weight to wear it :)



it's maternity. and no I'm not pregnant.
oh and I should be so confident in my belly that really I think I'm buying a unikini next... I've seen those ladies and they seem pretty happy.

Where the monkeys touch the banana

You're probably wondering where i've been.... where the ocean meets the sun?
nah... I've  been in crazy land.
Jacksonville has been interesting..
We've done a triathalon
I've lost 12 lbs
my mom has started a new chemo.
we're teaching VBS (surprise surprise)
we're homeschooling
Nyla can say mine (a lot)
Johnny's learning french
and I've been dealing with the sneaky deps again.

you remember them! I was doing ok until the end of march... I started noticing that I was gaining an exhorbent amount of weight and I was quieter than usual. I really thought everything was fine. I even considered whether I could stop taking my meds, when it snuck up behind me.
First Johnny mentioned I didn't seem right. Then I noticed I REALLY didn't want to get off the couch. I dreaded waking up or going to bed. I couldn't concentrate to teach the girls. Every day got worse.
It finally hit me: I have the deps again! BUT i'm on happy pills.
so This past week I went to a psychiatrist. she was real nice and even took my sarcasm
(Ali, have you fallen, hit your head and lost consciousness any time lately?
Not that I can remember! bum bum bum)
I even took a genetic test to help me find meds that help and wont give me ugly side effects (like a large belly)
so here's to the crazies of the world!
May the deps ever stay in the shadows!

people I don't trust

What's the saying? Don't trust a skinny chef.

well, I don't trust 2 different types of people
people who are incredibly fit, but whenever I talk to them, they're on their way to McD's.
and people who are incredibly obese, but only talk about clean living...

And while I'm on a rager...
why can't I stop eating... I'll tell you.
It's a habit like any other, but frankly, I can stop taking drugs, but I can't stop eating...
so now I have to learn to eat the right things, right? I can eat what I want as long as it's good for me,.... where's the good for me ice cream (keep in mind I'm allergic to aspertame which is in EVERY low cal everything.).

And really, why do my children only scream when I need quiet... ti's like they can sense it. or they see me on the phone and their first thoughts are, dueling seagulls is a great game.
And they have pms when I do... it's like sympathy pains.

ok I'm done.

weak hands

I'm useless in the morning... Don't ask me to open a tough jar or hold your hand... don't ask me to do your hair because it'll be pitiful. I have no grip, see. My hands wake up so weak, and it takes time for my hands to wake up. Does this make sense to you?
Well, today I'm in the car with my mom and she's opening a bottle of water... after a minute, she just stares at the bottle. It has one of those IMpossible tops. The ones I stare at in disbelief that I could possibly NOT be able to open a simple bottle of water... am I weak...... well, this is how my mom stares at the water bottle and I'm with her
I have weak hands?
I can't even do something so simple
I sit in the waiting room while my mom starts chemo today. While I'm in the waiting room, I see people coming in and out of the elevator, struggling with weak hands to name the least of their problems.
What can I do for them?
I'm reading Kisses From Katie and she sits in her home in Uganda and just pr*ys that she would be used, and she is...
I look around where I'm at and what can I do? I feel so.... weak
Then I go on to children's rehabilitation center for Nyla's speech therapy. I look around that situation and just see disabled kids of all kinds.
What can I do?
How do I love on these people?
But I think I'll just have to pr*y as Katie did.
Just let me wake up and love on them .... you work L*rd... what can I do for you? please just show me.
maybe it's like waking up in the morning, I just have to stretch and maybe I'll find my nitch