So there is advice out there from the powers that be that says keeping a food journal is good for you. well, if that's right, then keeping a log of how I'm doing on this diet will give me catharsis.
This was my first week.
I have to eat 5 of their meals a day and make one of my own. I atleast had some variety: eggs, chicken, beef, fish...
I had my struggles: someone talked me into cheesecake (ok partly myself), I had to go to five guys for my mom and NOT eat their fries, and then there was the struggle of THIER FOOD.
Let me introduce you to my nemesis: the mustard pretzel stick...
it's deceiving, it's called a pretzel, but actually it's just mustard flavored , protien powder laced dirt that's been glued together. I bought a box of it. 7 bags come in a box, and since I paid for it, I have to eat all of it... UUGGHHH. So every day I choke down these delicious cracker type things... Good thing is: they make me completely not hungry.
Here's my unicorn: the peach mango smoothie. I have made this thing every night this week. I can not get it QUIIIIIIIte right. Sometimes it tastes watery. Sometimes it tastes chunky.
So how did this week go:
drum roll please
I lost 6 lbs!!!!
My plan this week... going out of town... dang I want some french fries!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
By rock bottom, I mean fat bottom
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| I love a good cookie (just call this before picture) |
I will never tell you how much I weigh. Why? Imagine this: My supportive loving husband of 12 years is sitting with me a couple months ago. I haven't had the guts to tell him how much I've gained in over a year. Then I can't take it anymore. I need help because I weigh just too much... surely, my wonderful , amazing husband can encourage me in this endeavor ( and for the most part, to his credit, he has tried to help me and encourage me) but as I tell him how much I weigh, his response... "WHAT!!!??? Are you kidding me? How did it get this bad?"
well.... ok. I think I'll just keep things to myself.
My motivation has been nothing. I really just want french fries every day.
I've gotten to the point that I don't really care about food... it hurts to eat, it makes me sick, but I keep shoveling it in.
I hate exercising. I've been trying to do couch to 5k... it hurts to run. I'm so heavy.
Ada climbed in bed with me a couple days ago and said I was so comfortable and fluffy.... hmmm.
So I finally called my aunt who's been on this medical progam for the past couple months. She's lost over 20 lbs and seems incredibly happy.
I am now part of the Medifast system... AHHHH. I swore I would never do a program. I really want to eat healthy on my own, but I've hit a time in my life that it seems like I just can't do it.
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| Zoe trying to help me figure out what some of | these veggies look like |
What I'm hoping to happen:
I want exercise to be easier. Running is painful when you're heavy.
I want to work with my depression. Let's reverse this cycle from downward to upward
I want to eat healthier and get a boost at the same time
I want to play with my kids
I want to fall in love with healthy foods (my sister can make a salad sound like chocolate cake)
The reason I chose this one
I hate weight watchers because I hate counting.
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| My last hurrah!!! BB's classic ganache chocolate cake |
I like this one because it has some meals planned for you, and some you are forced to cook for yourself so you learn what's healthy to eat.
You have to go to weekly check ins to help you with any poor choices , weight plateaus, if you're going out of town strategies, etc.
It's backed by doctors... monitored etc.
The thing I hate: the price....
So You're gonna see me soon... as ada put it: When you get skinny, I'll miss the real you.
Honey, the skinny me IS the real me!
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| This is most of my food for the next week... mmmm (feel the sarcasm) |
Monday, August 12, 2013
Just when you thought I was capable
So, long story short, my mom has cancer. She's been doing good with everything til about 3 weeks ago. The thing about chemo is that it kills you to save you. Meanwhile, it's still killing you.
So about three weeks ago, we were preparing to homeschool again, put the girls into sports and start our fall because Nyla's evaluation showed we will be staying in America for another 5 mo (which is fine). Ella's doing swim team and Zoe and Ada are doing ballet.
I went shopping for school supplies, I was offered curriculum, I planned, and was feeling pretty good about everything. But then my mom got sick. Not her fault. She went into the hospital for a week and then back in again this week.
after praying and talking w my husband, we decided we needed a little less stress from teaching school, therapy and mom, soooooooo
The girls got registered for school today. This is a humbling experience. We had to go in and explain that we couldn't prove where we live, drivers liscence doesn't work, we can't afford much... Pretty much were homeless according to the system.
School starts in one week. It's gonna be crazy! Ada has 22 in her class, Zoe: 34 and Ella :38. This will surely prepare us for something, but I can say that I'm thankful that I live in a country that my kids can go to school for free, last minute... And get a good education!
Just one more day in my crazy life!
So about three weeks ago, we were preparing to homeschool again, put the girls into sports and start our fall because Nyla's evaluation showed we will be staying in America for another 5 mo (which is fine). Ella's doing swim team and Zoe and Ada are doing ballet.
I went shopping for school supplies, I was offered curriculum, I planned, and was feeling pretty good about everything. But then my mom got sick. Not her fault. She went into the hospital for a week and then back in again this week.
after praying and talking w my husband, we decided we needed a little less stress from teaching school, therapy and mom, soooooooo
The girls got registered for school today. This is a humbling experience. We had to go in and explain that we couldn't prove where we live, drivers liscence doesn't work, we can't afford much... Pretty much were homeless according to the system.
School starts in one week. It's gonna be crazy! Ada has 22 in her class, Zoe: 34 and Ella :38. This will surely prepare us for something, but I can say that I'm thankful that I live in a country that my kids can go to school for free, last minute... And get a good education!
Just one more day in my crazy life!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
please sir, can I have another (year)
So, I'm not so sure about this whole homeschooling thing.
Here's the latest.
Last year I homeschooled Zoe and Ella. It took a couple months, but I was right as rain with my 2 cirriculums (my fathers world, sonlight). come December , we thought we were done with schooling at home, so we had to sell the cirr. ASAP. I kinda didn't get the money I was hoping, but then again, a good family got them and i knew they would use it.
The girls went to a special school to get ready to go overseas, but when we didn't go overseas in March, I just finished up the year at home. "I mean, come on. You know we'll be in France by september".
Long story short and I'm sure to post all that on a different blog and news letter, we are still in Jacksonville. This does not upset me: I love my family and a little breather.
Our organization will not pay for homeschooling cirriculum this fall though. We will be in public school in france, so they don't see a point in paying for it in america when there's a free public alternative. I totally get that.
But in order to register for school here, we have to prove 2times that we live in our residence. We don't actually pay any bills here, dont have a florida drivers liscence etc... We can't change our residence because of our visa situation, so i have a dilimma.
Seems homeschool is a simpler viable alternative..
School Of Hard Knocks pt.2 is born again!!!
But this time we have new challenges.
*I'll be writing my own cirriculum . I do have money allotted for an online school (time4learning.com) but there needs to be a more personal interaction so time to put my good skills to work!
*Ella told me that I'm not a real teacher because we take field trips and have real life learning and I don't make her do the same amount of worksheets that she used to do (even though she cries and screams every time I DO make her do those).... "a real teacher has a plan and schedule and something for me to do during down times".... hmmm challenge accepted. I have now not only a notebook plan but I have a board to post said schedule so the kids are NOT ALLOWED to deviate (but i am)
*I am now teaching Ella, Zoe, and Ada.... not nearly as easy
*I have to do a type of speech therapy homework with Nyla.... one more thing!
*I am teaching french to the girls (Which I 'm sure will seem like a joke once they get to france)
*I still have to have a life.
What's wierd is that I look at homeschool kids. of course there are good and bad with them... but although sometimes they seem socially inept (not all schoolers), they do have a great confidence that i want in my kids, that after a year, they still dont have.
so if I look like my hair is disheveled and I'm still wearing my jammies , it's a new fashion.
If my kids look like they've sewn their own clothes and kinda frumpy... they were the ones who wantedto learn how to sew this year at school
YAY SOHK
Here's the latest.
Last year I homeschooled Zoe and Ella. It took a couple months, but I was right as rain with my 2 cirriculums (my fathers world, sonlight). come December , we thought we were done with schooling at home, so we had to sell the cirr. ASAP. I kinda didn't get the money I was hoping, but then again, a good family got them and i knew they would use it.
The girls went to a special school to get ready to go overseas, but when we didn't go overseas in March, I just finished up the year at home. "I mean, come on. You know we'll be in France by september".
Long story short and I'm sure to post all that on a different blog and news letter, we are still in Jacksonville. This does not upset me: I love my family and a little breather.
Our organization will not pay for homeschooling cirriculum this fall though. We will be in public school in france, so they don't see a point in paying for it in america when there's a free public alternative. I totally get that.
But in order to register for school here, we have to prove 2times that we live in our residence. We don't actually pay any bills here, dont have a florida drivers liscence etc... We can't change our residence because of our visa situation, so i have a dilimma.
Seems homeschool is a simpler viable alternative..
School Of Hard Knocks pt.2 is born again!!!
But this time we have new challenges.
*I'll be writing my own cirriculum . I do have money allotted for an online school (time4learning.com) but there needs to be a more personal interaction so time to put my good skills to work!
*Ella told me that I'm not a real teacher because we take field trips and have real life learning and I don't make her do the same amount of worksheets that she used to do (even though she cries and screams every time I DO make her do those).... "a real teacher has a plan and schedule and something for me to do during down times".... hmmm challenge accepted. I have now not only a notebook plan but I have a board to post said schedule so the kids are NOT ALLOWED to deviate (but i am)
*I am now teaching Ella, Zoe, and Ada.... not nearly as easy
*I have to do a type of speech therapy homework with Nyla.... one more thing!
*I am teaching french to the girls (Which I 'm sure will seem like a joke once they get to france)
*I still have to have a life.
What's wierd is that I look at homeschool kids. of course there are good and bad with them... but although sometimes they seem socially inept (not all schoolers), they do have a great confidence that i want in my kids, that after a year, they still dont have.
so if I look like my hair is disheveled and I'm still wearing my jammies , it's a new fashion.
If my kids look like they've sewn their own clothes and kinda frumpy... they were the ones who wantedto learn how to sew this year at school
YAY SOHK
Monday, July 15, 2013
a chorus of tonedeaf little birdies
I am not an overly emotional person. Now that might humor my mother because I spent most of my childhood crying over every little thing, but through much mocking and shooshing I don't cry unless I'm by my lonesome.
And I hear about how people cry at commercials or cry because their kids are so cute when they sleep, but that's just not me... I cry cause I laugh so hard or I relive vicariously my painful memories of childhood bullies.
Then last week I went to a Ch*istian arts camp. My kids did pottery, drama, blacklight, quilting, guitar, dance and much much more.... and then they learn some singing.
I sat in on practice on last friday for the production of what they learned.
These kids made me BAWL over and over again.
The sweetness of hearing children sing praises and the magnificence of thier G*d and not just sing because they had to, but mean EVERY word they sang, blew me away!
Then they recited scrip*ture. wow! They love Him and I remembered why I loved them so much...
then when all these kids saw me crying, they just kept touching me (stop crying miss ali) ... well, you know what happens when you touch a crying woman... they just KEEP crying harder... I looked like a crazy...
well if crazy is crying out of joy for the L*rd, then call me Miles Davis.
Thank you to all the amazing teachers who loved my girls and gave them interest in art of all shapes and sizes.... but most of all to DC and Kim for giving my girls a joy that I want.
And I hear about how people cry at commercials or cry because their kids are so cute when they sleep, but that's just not me... I cry cause I laugh so hard or I relive vicariously my painful memories of childhood bullies.
Then last week I went to a Ch*istian arts camp. My kids did pottery, drama, blacklight, quilting, guitar, dance and much much more.... and then they learn some singing.
I sat in on practice on last friday for the production of what they learned.
These kids made me BAWL over and over again.
The sweetness of hearing children sing praises and the magnificence of thier G*d and not just sing because they had to, but mean EVERY word they sang, blew me away!
Then they recited scrip*ture. wow! They love Him and I remembered why I loved them so much...
then when all these kids saw me crying, they just kept touching me (stop crying miss ali) ... well, you know what happens when you touch a crying woman... they just KEEP crying harder... I looked like a crazy...
well if crazy is crying out of joy for the L*rd, then call me Miles Davis.
Thank you to all the amazing teachers who loved my girls and gave them interest in art of all shapes and sizes.... but most of all to DC and Kim for giving my girls a joy that I want.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
unikinis and cheeseburgers
A while ago I was on a plane with Johnny and we got separated in our seats, which was fine because I planned to read all the way home anyway, until the lady who sat next to me got in the plane. I felt like I had to talk to her. then I got to the point in our conversation that I now need to make a confession.
She asked me when I was due.
Yah, say what you want, but she was so confident in her question I really didn't want to sit for however long on the plane while she apologized and got awkward, that I told her.
Not that far.
We had a 30 minute conversation about said baby that I didn't know about.
Fast forward...
I took a medicine for about a year that had the side effect of making you gain weight. So i gained over 60 lbs (I hide it relatively well). Last week I bought new shorts for fourth of July. I had not one, not two, but 3 people tell me separately that the shorts that SHOULD have fit me were ... clearing throat... quite snug. not to mention the equally tight shirt that was "my size".
I about died... see I have lost some weight since changing meds a week ago, but just takes time... time sux.
On top of that there's the lack of motivation... cause really, why should i lose weight when J*sus is just coming back soon anyway...
so tonight in my depression I went and bought a new outfit... one that fit...
I can't weight to wear it :)
it's maternity. and no I'm not pregnant.
oh and I should be so confident in my belly that really I think I'm buying a unikini next... I've seen those ladies and they seem pretty happy.
She asked me when I was due.
Yah, say what you want, but she was so confident in her question I really didn't want to sit for however long on the plane while she apologized and got awkward, that I told her.
Not that far.
We had a 30 minute conversation about said baby that I didn't know about.
Fast forward...
I took a medicine for about a year that had the side effect of making you gain weight. So i gained over 60 lbs (I hide it relatively well). Last week I bought new shorts for fourth of July. I had not one, not two, but 3 people tell me separately that the shorts that SHOULD have fit me were ... clearing throat... quite snug. not to mention the equally tight shirt that was "my size".
I about died... see I have lost some weight since changing meds a week ago, but just takes time... time sux.
On top of that there's the lack of motivation... cause really, why should i lose weight when J*sus is just coming back soon anyway...
so tonight in my depression I went and bought a new outfit... one that fit...
I can't weight to wear it :)
it's maternity. and no I'm not pregnant.
oh and I should be so confident in my belly that really I think I'm buying a unikini next... I've seen those ladies and they seem pretty happy.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Where the monkeys touch the banana
You're probably wondering where i've been.... where the ocean meets the sun?
nah... I've been in crazy land.
Jacksonville has been interesting..
We've done a triathalon
I've lost 12 lbs
my mom has started a new chemo.
we're teaching VBS (surprise surprise)
we're homeschooling
Nyla can say mine (a lot)
Johnny's learning french
and I've been dealing with the sneaky deps again.
you remember them! I was doing ok until the end of march... I started noticing that I was gaining an exhorbent amount of weight and I was quieter than usual. I really thought everything was fine. I even considered whether I could stop taking my meds, when it snuck up behind me.
First Johnny mentioned I didn't seem right. Then I noticed I REALLY didn't want to get off the couch. I dreaded waking up or going to bed. I couldn't concentrate to teach the girls. Every day got worse.
It finally hit me: I have the deps again! BUT i'm on happy pills.
so This past week I went to a psychiatrist. she was real nice and even took my sarcasm
(Ali, have you fallen, hit your head and lost consciousness any time lately?
Not that I can remember! bum bum bum)
I even took a genetic test to help me find meds that help and wont give me ugly side effects (like a large belly)
so here's to the crazies of the world!
May the deps ever stay in the shadows!
nah... I've been in crazy land.
Jacksonville has been interesting..
We've done a triathalon
I've lost 12 lbs
my mom has started a new chemo.
we're teaching VBS (surprise surprise)
we're homeschooling
Nyla can say mine (a lot)
Johnny's learning french
and I've been dealing with the sneaky deps again.
you remember them! I was doing ok until the end of march... I started noticing that I was gaining an exhorbent amount of weight and I was quieter than usual. I really thought everything was fine. I even considered whether I could stop taking my meds, when it snuck up behind me.
First Johnny mentioned I didn't seem right. Then I noticed I REALLY didn't want to get off the couch. I dreaded waking up or going to bed. I couldn't concentrate to teach the girls. Every day got worse.
It finally hit me: I have the deps again! BUT i'm on happy pills.
so This past week I went to a psychiatrist. she was real nice and even took my sarcasm
(Ali, have you fallen, hit your head and lost consciousness any time lately?
Not that I can remember! bum bum bum)
I even took a genetic test to help me find meds that help and wont give me ugly side effects (like a large belly)
so here's to the crazies of the world!
May the deps ever stay in the shadows!
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