Just call me the candy-lady!

When Ella was about 3 months old, we visited johnny's uncle and aunt in Arizona to show her off. When we got there johnny and I found a running joke. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE his family, but they have this way of taking care of each other that I've never seen before. Each morning (and evening) they get each others pills out and take them together. And i'm not just talking about their multivitamin; they take like 20 pills a piece both morning and night.
Now Johnny laughs at me because I can't remember to even take a multivitamin and I keep reminding him that when he wants to be my Jim and lay it out for me, I'd be happy to oblige.
I've always tried to eat healthy so that I wouldn't need a vitamin. Short of the occasional prenatal and flinstone vitamin, I don't like pills.
Then I turned 30.
It started with me being kinda tired. So, I really tried to take my multivitamin on a regular basis. then Iwent to the Dr. who informed me I was severely low on my vitamin D and I needed to bulk up. BUT I can't just take my vitamin D. so now i'm up to taking a multivitamin, Vitamin D, and calcium (for the genetic osteoporosis brewing -- thanks mom). but the calcium and iron from the multi causes nausea so I have to take an antinausea, but then that pill causes migraines so I got that pill... now i swear I'm up to 15 pills a day. Seriously, when did i go from 0 to 15 in less than a year? oh yah, when I turned 30.
So, i opened my medicine cabinet... I seriously think I could be the pusher for the neighborhood... Now all i got to do is combat the gag reflex that has made me famous in come circles and learn how not to be so old that I can compete with those younguns who only have to take that gummy bear vitamin. I'm coming... when I can make the arthritis in my knee go away!

You look soooo pretty!

I had this week all thought out. I knew what I wanted to write about and then today, something changed. I've always been blessed with never being able to dwell on things for a long time. I usually have to deal with my issues immediately, or else if I DO have time to work out the hypotheticals in my head, the results are never what I expect.
Today I was getting ready to lay my girls down for a nap, but they can't nap together (but they do sleep together at night)and we have a friend sleeping over, so I put Zoe in my bed. Now, granted, looking back on the situation, I felt my hand hesitate as I shut the door. I heard, supersonically, something going awry in the room, but I ignored my first thoughts. When she came out, I sent her upstairs to play.
Later, someone called my house and I was walking into my bathroom, when I saw something on the floor. "what is that?". I followed the trail. "why are the bathroom drawers open?". I went around the corner to the toilet. And there on the floor were scissors. The trashcan next to the toilet was FULL of hair! i called Zoe down and she had cut ALL her hair off; well, I take that back, it was a mullet.

It reminded me of when I was a little girl. My mom would tell me to brush my hair and I would look in the mirror, only brushing what I could see. Meanwhile, I was building one mean rats nest in my hair. Periodically, my mom would stick peanut butter in my hair and tear at it, as she detangled that nasty mess, but in first grade, she decided that she was done with that. She cut off all my hair into this tiny bob, which flipped out on the sides and tortures me to this day.
Now, at 30, seems like so many people are obsessed with appearances. We hope people like us for what they can see, and hope we never show them our backsides. And as I look at my Beautiful 3 year old, I hope that I'm more like her. I hope that I can make my mistakes right up front, so that I never have a chance to mislead people into thinking I'm something I'm not, and later regret that I was not genuine and no one could trust what I had to say.

Funny what defines your life

*warning* there are things on this post that I've never shared with ANYONE.(mom you might not want to read this) I had to pray a long time about whether to start this blog off on such a serious note, but in the end, it's done. Stay with me, I'll lighten up soon.
There are certain age groups that I lean toward when I look for who to hang with: 9, 13, 17,and 21. I had to think about why is that? and I realized that it's because at those ages, things happened that really defined who I was.
At age 7 I came to Christ but at age 9 I began going to a church that really encouraged me to figure out what I believed and my opinions were beginning to form.
At age 13 so many things began. Of course, the basic things like the first boyfriend, the first crush (yes girls, there is a difference)happened, but then I start thinking about other things. And this is where this post comes from. I experienced things that in an of themselves should have changed my life forever, but it's funny what defines your life. Between the ages of 13 and 16 I was introduced to drugs (and walked away thankfully), I smoked (and didn't break that easily), I drank (found my tolerance to be much higher than others: don't test me, I'll drink you under the table), I had friends who commited suicide, did cutting, anorexia, and every other disorder for teens. I saw friends have sex, prostitute themselves willingly, asked to have sex myself multiple times (but was smarter than the average bear for 99% of situations), I saw an orgy firsthand and walked away from that one, had a "friend" try to rape me, and another save me. I had a friend so high he put a shot gun to my face and later try to turn it on himself while police thought we were just silly teens. My first boyfriend was a drug addict and the second a gang member. I've had boyfriends who used me as a bet, and others for their own insecurities.
But the funny thing is that those things never defined me. I'm sure they influenced me to an extent, but I don't look back and say, "I wouldn't be who I am if someone hadn't tried to kill me (on more than one occasion)". I've noticed that the things that define me in life are things that show me (all the way back at age 7) who God is.
As a mom, I can see looking at my 7 year old how God took hold of me. I had no concept of sin. really, most of those things that happened to me up to age 16, I was so naive that they didn't register for YEARS. Yet, God in his mercy took hold of me. Gave me a passion for Him where there was no reason. At age 13, I knew I was experiencing things that other kids weren't necessarily going to ever go through. And I had to keep myself in check with God for my motivations (and they weren't always honorable). At age 17, I had a reality check. I took hold of my adulthood, and had to depend on God because no one else seemed to care about me or ask. At age 21, after much pain, and guilt from the decisions I made in life, God blessed me with a husband and soon after a baby. God was faithful even when I wasn't.
So I wonder with 30, will this be a defining year? Will I look back and say that God showed himself in a tangible new way? We'll see, but till then, I'm holding on.

Day one of the rest of my life

This year I turned 30.

I know what you're thinking, but I had images of what life would be like.
I am that girl from 13 going on 30. I had dreams that 30 would be the best year of my life. Actually, I never expected to make it to 30 and I think that's why I thought it would be so wonderful. You have to realize that I grew up with Kurt Cobain and River Pheonix (for all you younguns, that's juaquin's big brother who died at 27) All the cool people died young. I had goals in life and all of them were to be accomplished by the age of 27, and actually all but 1 was. I just figured something tragic would take me away.
Then I turned 27... and it passed. I was getting so excited for what 30 would bring that I could have peed my pants (and thanks to giving birth multiple times it was a serious possibility). then 29 came along. I can't remember exactly what happened because I blacked out all memory of it, but I remember crying that night and swearing that I would never turn 30.
I dreaded all year and thanks to my friends I made it. Now you wonder what was the one goal in life that I never accomplished? It was being on the cover of 17 magazine and this year, thanks to my husband, I accomplished said goal and I can die in peace ( that is of course unless someone wants to get me onto John henson's set to become a muppeteer). i can say with confidence that 30 is... well, it's not what I thought it would be. And that is why I have begun this blog. Better late than never, better out than in, better complete humiliation than no experiences at all I have always said.
This blog should do a few things. I want first of all to create a birth control for highschoolers. Read carefully kids. I want all the single ladies (put your hand up), the marrieds, the moms, and even the men to see what I have experienced and know they are not alone. I've gone through too much to get to this point for it all to be put to waste. So read on, invite your friends and enjoy all that is in all (sweeping hands from head to feet) of THIS!!!
Just remember that this is MY life. I will talk about ALL things that effect/affect me and feel free to comment with wisdom and gentleness.