what I learned over Memorial day 2011

We went to Pacolet, Lake Lenier , and a neighbors bbq party in our neighborhood...

*why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.
*why did the alligator cross I26? Don't know, he never made it, but it was the first time I'd ever seen a squished alligator in SC.

*when suntan lotion says it's for kids, it really is. Johnny and I got burnt patches everywhere, but the kids are perfectly tan.

*Ada can't swim, even if SHE thinks she can. Aunt Laura asked her if she needed her arm floats. "no" was her reply as she leapt in.

*My husband can stick his foot in his mouth in any city. He told me I was an 80 year old woman on the inside.

*Ada: mom, can we leave? ME: not until your dad gives us the ok. Ada: Where is the ok? Can I go get it for him?

*ME: go say goodbye and hug your cousins. Ada: See you later, loser. (high five)

*Can't keep a mother away from her only son. they must have one on one time. even if the step brother and cousins are on their way...

*Don't let kids test the water with their feet when you've told them you're not going swimming yet. Inevitably one will "fall in"... and of course it will happen when the baby is asleep and no one can stop the kids running.

* Mother in law: Johnny, why are you wearing your glasses in the water? Johnny: because I can't see without my glasses mom. MIL: even in the water?

*Doesn't matter what snacks you bring on a trip, they won't be good compared to ANYTHING else.

*an 8 year old can still be afraid of a man eating jellyfish coming up on shore and dragging her in.

* I can still hear my kids complaining over the pleasant breeze of a perfect beach day.

*Don't bring healthy food to a BBQ. they won't eat it.

*Do bring more dessert to a BBQ. need more.

*Why do the # of baths multiply when you aren't doing anything... oh yah, sweat.

And that's what I learned over my memorial. I'm sure there are other things, but my mama brain took it away.

I'm a pharisee...

So there's this story. A really popular guy (a goody too shoes for all intensive purposes) walks into a church where this guy who works for an insurance company is praying. The popular guy gets all cocky and starts praying outloud (real loud for everyone to hear) about how he is so thankful to God that he's better than a jerky insurance salesman.
that's me... I really have Christians I look up to and want to be like one day. I see godly men and women who inspire and encourage me and I don't feel like a jerk. until this past weekend, that is.
I saw friends of mine who may not have always had it all together. I felt like we spurred each other on for years to pursue God with passion, but this week as I was talking, I noticed something new. My friend had lost weight and gotten trim, informed me that she was running 5k's. I see her quiet times out and she has this better attitude... and I should be praising God and encouraging her because I see God working in her, seeking him out in every day situations.
But the pharisee in me got frustrated.
I realized that really I thought I wasn't half bad because there was someone else that was just as "bad" as I was and if God loved her, he'd love me too...
well, I don't know if you realize this, but God doesn't love me because I spend time in the Word or have shared the gospel daily with my children, leading them in the salvation prayer. God doesn't love me because I have my life all together... and he doesn't love me because he loves someone else less. He loves me because he made me. He loves me with all the flaws that came in the fall because he sent his son to pay the penalty for all my sin. He sees me as all he knows I can be and I need to remind myself that he wants that not just for me, but for you and everyone i know. So, I can still be taught 24 years later, and I want to encourage my friends as I would hope they would encourage me to love God the best I can. I mean, I don't love Zoe any more than Ella just because she's got attitude, or love Ada more because she's so cute... I love all my children...

I am strong-willed.

Where to begin? We are having a "discussion" with Ella right now. She thinks that she only should eat sugar. Now with any other child, this wouldn't be an issue, but only Ella can make this a battle to the end.
now, there's so much background, I'll try to lay it down without confusing you.
People say Ella is just like me (finding it's slightly true)
Have been having discussions on how to discipline.
Have had a lot of discussions on strong-willed children.
Then there's this morning. Ella is incredibly angry because she was caught throwing away food, sneaking snacks, lying to her teacher, mooching money for sherbert, and other a sundry things like that related to food. She's VERY mad. Oh, did I mention that we decided to go on a refrain from sugar (for her). She's decided that she can't look me in the face, she couldn't eat dinner at the same table as us last night (even though we went where she wanted to for dinner because she actually ate her lunch), She has huge bags under her eyes because she won't go to sleep when we tell her, and she has to come up with things to blame us for ... oh and won't say goodbye or she loves me when she gets to school.
So this morning i woke her up by singing and rubbing her back, telling her how excited I was for her at school today. she smiled at me and asked what we were doing this afternoon. I told her we were going to the Tanger for the ice cream social. I wasn't going to stop our plans just cause she got in trouble, but there would be other fun things for her to do. Well, she's been telling us for 2 weeks now that she wants to earn 3$ for these gloves at Tanger, and proceeded to tell me it's my fault that I haven't just given her the money because she would have bought the gloves today... all with a smile on her face... a devious provoking, strong-willed smile.
Dont start my day angry girl!
I told her in the car, just let it go... she's so tired looking, and so angry that she's missing out on so many fun things... just let it go. And it hit me... I am so strong-willed even as an adult.
I don't care what the statistics are, don't tell me what I can and can not do. If you tell me it's not possible, I will try my darndest to make it happen. Don't tell me I don't know what i'm talking about, I'll argue to the death over trivial things.
And how much does it drive me crazy when things are out of my control... especially things that seem like they should be in my control: like my body or my family. I get so angry when things aren't MY way. I have started to get bitter about a couple things in my life... and I heard myself talking to Ella: Just let it go! I need to take 5 seconds to think how important what I'm standing for is, and if it's something in my control... oh wait, it's all in God's control anyway... and stop missing out on the things that are so great because i'm angry about the things that are wrong.
So, ella... i'll probably win this battle because I've had a few years to perfect my strong-will, and one day I hope for you to use your strong will for good and not for evil...

5 minute rough house

What a memory? Did you do this?
Now , as a 5 year old, i thought my dad was a sadist. He would yell it out as I would walk by and my 9 year old brother would pop out of the shadows to beat the crap out of me. As I screamed for help, my dad would just sit there with his beer on his lap, watching the show. Surely, my brother and father were plotting against me.
See, I figured it out though.
the other day, Johnny and I were sitting in the kitchen, listening to the girls upstairs. There are like 3 comments that we hear... stop, each others names, and moooooom. i turned to Johnny and said, " I just want to yell out 5 minute rough house". He didn't understand so I elaborated. "I just wish they would beat the snot out of each other and get it over with". Johnny was mortified. I blame it on being an only child.
To all of you with siblings, sometimes problems can only be solved with a good bloody nose or broken pinky.
My brother and I would get it out of our system. well, mainly my brother did. It took years for me to learn the art of fight club. (oh darn, there is no fight club: rule #1). there were rules in our family though. 1. No making it impossible for the other to have children later in life. 2. no biting... aaaannndd... that was about it.
i remember the 5 minute rough house over the last IBC rootbeer.... mmmm... that was a good battle, maybe because it ended with me drinking it, even if my brother made me puke it up later... I still won.
but I think it helped my dad too... he'd sit back and vicariously let go of all his frustration with us by watching us... I just want the same opportunity too... I demand 5 minute rough house...
starting now.

I've blown it

the IV that is... Poor Nyla blew her IV today and I just feel so bad at her swollen hand...
While I wait for them to put a new one in, I look out my window. It looks out over the hospital playground, the atrium.
i'm watching this boy, maybe 8 or younger, not 2 feet from me. He can't see me, but I keep studying him. He's obviously pretty sick, looking at all the tubes in him and how slow he moves, but a few things hit me.
He never smiles, he never looks anyone in the eye. And I can't stop wondering what he's thinking. Is he just plain mad at his situation. that he's too weak to scoop sand into a bucket? Is he sad; that he can't go home? Or has he just given up because frankly it's just not fair?
Which makes me think of everything that's going on, not just in my immediate family, but with tornadoes, and tsunami's and EVERYTHING else... I'm sure people are asking, why would I believe in a God who's doing this? what kind of justice, joy, or purpose could I take refuge in with constant craziness... which by the way, johnny says I can go ahead and get plastic surgery with all the deductibles we've met in hospital visits...
But there is such another side...
I love this radio station that I listen to: WAY fm. there's this guy wally who does a segment called the silver lining. you call in with your WORST day ever and he will find the silver lining ... now it's meant to be funny, but this is exactly what I try to instill in my children.
Does this boy see the 5 family members who WANT to be with him and play with him? does he see the smiling nurse who wants to hold him while his parents run down the the cafeteria?
Just in my own situation, I see purpose for me and Nyla. I have battled depression for years after I had Ada (chemically) and I feel like so far so good with Nyla. I was depressed through a good chunk of my pregnancy, unable to take meds, and so putting a strain on everyone. But i see how many people trully love me through all this. the true friends who bring food by even if they haven't seen me in months for they-don't-know-why. for the friends who send flowers even though I haven't talked to them since MIDDLE school. For the dozens of prayer messages and encouraging notes... for the drop by's just to say hey, love you, lets get together some time. What a good reminder when I fall into the next bought of depression that leaves me with lots of lies in my head.
For nyla, who knows, maybe this will serve as an awesome reminder of God's faithfulness in a fallen world, full of disease that he cares for his creation and longs for healing too. He also longs for his creation to depend on Him as their healer, great physician, and wonderful counselor.
So, as I hear the children on my hall crying and I want to run in and hold all of them so mom can get a nap. As I look at this boy, who's disappointed in his situation, but SURROUNDED by people who love him, and as I watch these nurses work a thankless job as they love on my baby, I'll take time and give thanks and blessings for the silver lining, and not worry so much when I've blown it: my cool that is.

Adventures in 4

You remember that movie: Adventures in babysitting? All the girl wanted to do was pick up her friend from the bus station, but she had all these kids with her and then everything that could go wrong, did. Eventually, that crazy guy from Law and Order: CI (much younger) comes out and gives them a break. That was my week.
All i wanted to do was have a baby. Sunday was my due date and I couldn't go into labor. I had already done everything, even the dreaded Castor oil that I swore I would never do. So, I gave up and invited friends over for Catan and tried to have a Castor oil shot party... instead I spent the night pooping and trying not to barf.
Around 11, the contractions finally kicked in. Don't think I give any credit to CO, it was 5 hours later. The Call had come from the busstation :) to pick up my baby (you like this analogy, I can tell). The nurse at the hospital kept threatening to send me home. I'm like: I'm about to be overdue, seriously, with contractions 5 minutes apart you'd send me home? 4 hours later, she was still saying this even though I was 5 cm and 2 minutes apart. i'm like: if you send me home, I'll just have this baby at home because I don't know what else needs to happen.
She finally allows me to stay and the Epidural comes (thanks wimberly). The dr. comes in to break my water and check me and the nurse says: don't bother. she's only 5 1/2 and creeping. His reply: or she could be 10 cm and the baby's halfway out. maybe I should break the water (the only time I appreciated the british man's sarcasm). My contractions all but stopped after my water is broke and I can only laugh in retrospect. Nyla wanted all eyes on her, she got it. Oh did I mention shift change came while I was pushing and the nurse dropped my leg and left... ummm, ok.
Nyla came out even though I only had a couple contractions and thought it would be a good idea to breathe in a lot of fluid on her way out... she still doesn't really cry... which i'm slightly thankful for.
You'd think this was the end of the story.
Everything was going well. According to the movie, the tow truck came, we escaped the mobsters and now we're singing the blues in an awkward room.
Life doesn't stop when you have 4. As much as people want you to sleep, you still have kids that wake up, husbands who go to work, school, ballet, functions... All was working well with my mom here until thursday night. The girls were playing on the swingset outback, when we heard a scream. Now, moms, you know what I mean when I say it was a scream like the girls were fighting, so we gave it a few minutes to see if they could work it out, but when it didn't, we went outside. Ada is hanging upside down from the ladder with her sisters just playing below her. When we asked what went on, they just replied: we don't want to get in trouble so we just didn't do anything. you can't get mad at that right?
uh, well, ada's a tough girl, so we just thought her arm was hurt and put them in bed. the next morning, though, she still couldn't move it. So off to the radiologist we go.
While we wait for the results, I had to go to Zoe's easter party, oh and my mom was getting ready to go home. Come to find out as soon as we get to mt p after the party, Ada broke her arm. So now, I have to get home, send my mom off, feed the baby, be home for ella afterschool, and get ada to the only orthopedist (immediately) if I don't want to go to the ER.
Who saved my day, not crazy dude from the Cell, but my hubby who called to say he was done with work and coming home early!!!!
And we still had time to go to the school auction.
Whew!!!
Now all I have to worry about is the girls getting used to this bigger family. So far, it's lots of fighting with each other, coloring on the carpet, refusing to eat, and no sleeping. Just another day in: ADVENTURES IN 4!!!!

you can't buy that, we don't have a coupon.

I've been spending the past 24 hours trying not to steam over the TLC extreme couponing show... not working.
First I should confess: Hi! My name is Ali, and I'm a couponer.
I learned from one of those crazy ladies that was on the show... no not literally one of those ladies, but a lady like that. It started out a girl time with my neighbors. We went to this lady's house and learned the basics. She had a group of ladies that came over and they traded coupons and cut them every week.... like a scrapbook club. She showed us her BINDER, and her stockpile...
Hers was only a walk in closet and a bedroom, but I still had second thoughts because who needed that much stuff, but she assured me that she gave to food banks etc. So I went home, having taken no notes on what to do and I began clipping coupons.
Some neighbors picked it up right away and it was a fun thing to talk about... but I had to be careful. I didn't want to buy crap, just because it was free or something that I didnt think people could use if I donated... I think the point of couponing is to be a good steward of your resources whether at home, finances, or giving.
Now, on facebook I have a couponing 101 I came up with, but I am by no means extreme... on average I save 2/3 of my bill and i'm ok with that... there are things I refuse to buy and things I want to buy ... I have saved 90% before and I've saved 30%... and no I don't spend 70 hrs a week... crazy lady
I don't have a stockpile of 150 years ... crazy dude.
And i don't have control issues... bulimic , hoarders, and OCD's
this show was crazy and i'm sure you've read reviews of the unreality of it... but now I have extra eyes on me I'm sure when Iwalk in... what a bad wrap for us couponers... we look insane, which maybe was the point, to stop us. I mean, if I was going to get 216 boxes of noodles, 189 candy bars, etc etc etc... I WOULD call ahead and get them in cases instead of grabbing the display and emptying it into my cart... And to the guy who donated "some" of his boxes of cereal to the food bank... what about the 300 toothbrushes you got or the 180 things of deoderant or the 68 bottles of soap that would last you 2 years but you already had 2 full shelves at home... AHHHHHH... makes me so angry... what about tsunami victims, or homeless, or down and outs... dream center , ECCO... something... I have 2 shelves waiting to take to the food bank and that's just from the past couple months...
as you can tell I'm starting to fume, so I should slow down and finish up. this is what happens when you're 31 I guess.
I'll just say this. I'm not crazy, or hoarding. I don't call out people in the store (and yes, I do give out coupons when I see someone who needs one - sacrilege) . Yes, I like to buy almost everything with a coupon, but I promise I'll share, and if you're out of noodles or something like that, come on over and raid my pantry, I won't slap your hand for touching my "stockpile"