I've blown it

the IV that is... Poor Nyla blew her IV today and I just feel so bad at her swollen hand...
While I wait for them to put a new one in, I look out my window. It looks out over the hospital playground, the atrium.
i'm watching this boy, maybe 8 or younger, not 2 feet from me. He can't see me, but I keep studying him. He's obviously pretty sick, looking at all the tubes in him and how slow he moves, but a few things hit me.
He never smiles, he never looks anyone in the eye. And I can't stop wondering what he's thinking. Is he just plain mad at his situation. that he's too weak to scoop sand into a bucket? Is he sad; that he can't go home? Or has he just given up because frankly it's just not fair?
Which makes me think of everything that's going on, not just in my immediate family, but with tornadoes, and tsunami's and EVERYTHING else... I'm sure people are asking, why would I believe in a God who's doing this? what kind of justice, joy, or purpose could I take refuge in with constant craziness... which by the way, johnny says I can go ahead and get plastic surgery with all the deductibles we've met in hospital visits...
But there is such another side...
I love this radio station that I listen to: WAY fm. there's this guy wally who does a segment called the silver lining. you call in with your WORST day ever and he will find the silver lining ... now it's meant to be funny, but this is exactly what I try to instill in my children.
Does this boy see the 5 family members who WANT to be with him and play with him? does he see the smiling nurse who wants to hold him while his parents run down the the cafeteria?
Just in my own situation, I see purpose for me and Nyla. I have battled depression for years after I had Ada (chemically) and I feel like so far so good with Nyla. I was depressed through a good chunk of my pregnancy, unable to take meds, and so putting a strain on everyone. But i see how many people trully love me through all this. the true friends who bring food by even if they haven't seen me in months for they-don't-know-why. for the friends who send flowers even though I haven't talked to them since MIDDLE school. For the dozens of prayer messages and encouraging notes... for the drop by's just to say hey, love you, lets get together some time. What a good reminder when I fall into the next bought of depression that leaves me with lots of lies in my head.
For nyla, who knows, maybe this will serve as an awesome reminder of God's faithfulness in a fallen world, full of disease that he cares for his creation and longs for healing too. He also longs for his creation to depend on Him as their healer, great physician, and wonderful counselor.
So, as I hear the children on my hall crying and I want to run in and hold all of them so mom can get a nap. As I look at this boy, who's disappointed in his situation, but SURROUNDED by people who love him, and as I watch these nurses work a thankless job as they love on my baby, I'll take time and give thanks and blessings for the silver lining, and not worry so much when I've blown it: my cool that is.