2 months

I don't know if you realized this, but when you have a baby, you are under no obligation to do anything. When you have 4 kids, you are under no obligation to do anything.... ever.
I had Nyla 2 months ago, and after a week, I feel like all I could say is " she always" or " that never happens with her"... as if she'd been there forever. I can't imagine life without her, but my motivation is at 0.
People were suprised to see me at church, or dressed.
And the question I wanted to ask is, "what am I supposed to be doing?" I mean, I realize it's hard to manage 4 kids (sometimes), but really, I HAVE TO do something.
I have to wake up (4 kids wake up at 6am whether I do or not). I have to make breakfast (all I hear starting at 6:05 is what's for breakfast). I have to shower (it's summer. I have to shower. or else I'll have no friends). I have to go grocery shopping (still waiting for people to take my coupons and volunteer to do my shopping for me, but until then, we got to eat).
And I need social interaction.
I hate being late. I hate missing things. And my pregnancy was so painful that I missed a lot of appointments, not because I couldn't come, but because I just plain hurt too much. And people were very sympathetic. At first it was nice. But now...
I'm not obligated to answer the phone, or cook, or ever show up to church, get togethers I planned, or just about anything. This seems like it could have been a great excuse, but that's just what it is. i now have no motivation. I have no motivation to work out (I know, you just had a baby; stop being so hard on yourself), but if i dont do it now, when should I start. I have no motivation to play with my kids ( Iknow, I'm tired too), but if I don't do it now, when should I acknowledge their existence. and eventually depression is going to set in.
So, Nyla I love .... always. But after 2 months, I need encouragement, not an excuse. So let's go out... play together... maybe take a walk (if it's early in the morn)... and make fun of me if I don't show up... so that I'll stop excusing myself... I want to play with you.