decade for the books

A Couple weeks ago I celebrated 10 years with my hubby.
Let me take you back.
I was in a bad place when I met johnny. I had lost my self respect , my security (I was insecure), and felt incredibly alone. People I had trusted judged me to the point it was incredibly hard to be around them even though we talked it out and forgiven. I sat down one night crying for hours when I told God, "I'll never be married (not that it was my goal or anything)." I didn't trust God to bring someone into my life and had ruined it by doing it myself. I felt less than loved by men and had no where else to turn. I read scripture that talked about Christ coming back for his bride one day and thought I would give it a try... that's what bible college taught me (Jack Layman)... worth a try.
so I told God that I would not date a guy until i could understand that Jesus was first and formost my husband for all intensive purposes.
that's an odd concept. I have tried to explain it, but how? Until you can trust always being alone and be content with having Christ alone as the one you put your complete trust in as a "husband" then you can't love anyone the way you should... yah, doesn't make sense , does it?
When I met johnny I really wasn't interested in him. There were no fireworks. I mean, he is incredibly good looking, and I LOVED being around him, but I wasn't "in love". Actually, I tried to fix him up with a couple of my friends. I said, "He's gonna be a doctor, he's got blue eyes. check out the tatoo. he's so smart and funny... he's everything I swore I would marry when I was a little kid, even down to the name" but my friends kept wondering why I wasn't dating him... hmmm, no spark I guess.
6 months later johnny and I went on our first date and the relationship felt like a glove. We were comfortable just hanging out talking, telling the absolute truth to each other, to the point of painful and embarrassing. We were able to discuss those things you never are supposed to talk about on the first date.
In the year we dated, we had to ask forgiveness from each other, confess things, tell our dreams, and realize that I was dating (oh wait, I'm not supposed to do that............ well, that is unless this is the one that God wants me to marry. Am I content if God took him from me?)
I Knew Johnny was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Nothing special happened, no voice (well,except my moms).
He took me to pretty place to propose and still asked me even when I did get altitude and motion sick 4 times up the mountain... nice.
Our wedding was something I would never trade... I 've never regretted having a wedding and not eloping. I look at pictures and there are sweet memories of family and friends. There was a joy that just doesn't get captured with every wedding I see.
now frankly our fights that first year were ridiculous looking back. we fought over the shower curtain... there were lots of loud voices with no substance.
10 years later, our fights are quieter and probably hopefully more substantial (probably not), but we have always been honest and quick to ask forgiveness which I think has kept us happily married. we still ask each other the tough questions and even confess the things that "well, if I never said anything, they would never know"... we can still laugh at each other and do nothing together to be happy...
10 years... I think I need a few more before I truly understand my husband.
but 1/3 of my life has been with him... I'll see if 1/2 my life with him is enough.